


All I feel is you

by CROWLEYBEANS



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Fluff, M/M, Reunions
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-17
Updated: 2020-11-17
Packaged: 2021-03-10 03:54:22
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 969
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27597158
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CROWLEYBEANS/pseuds/CROWLEYBEANS
Summary: Just a cute little post-15x18 fic about Dean and Cas' reunion after Cas is taken by the empty
Relationships: Castiel/Dean Winchester
Comments: 2
Kudos: 64





	All I feel is you

**Author's Note:**

> Non-disclaimer: these characters and this world is obvs not mind.

Dean stared at the empty barn around him, which seemed suddenly more decrepit than he had ever remembered it being. The silence consuming him terrified him more than anything, any monster, he had fought before. He was sure they had done everything right. They had the blood obtained from the handprint and the barn, which Dean knew was special to the Angel. And his bond with Dean...so why hadn’t it worked?

Seeing the broken expression on his face, Sam put a comforting hand on his shoulder, but he shrugged it off and ran out into the rain. It lashed around him, mimicking the sound of his cries. He screamed and punched until he couldn’t feel anymore. He needed to be numb. If this pain didn’t end, it would kill him.

When he couldn’t stand anymore, he fell to his knees and let the tears fall. “I’m sorry Cas… I’m so sorry.” He sobbed into his hands. No one else would have understood what he was saying just then; his words were hardly even words; merely incoherent sounds screamed at the sky. “I - I don’t know what else to do, Cas. I - there’s nothing else to do.” He sobbed. “Please, buddy, if you can hear me just.. Just give me a sign.” 

Silence. The dirt and rain soaked through his clothes, but he didn’t care. It felt good, even. He wanted to look as wretched on the outside as he felt on the inside. He put his hand against the handprint on his jacket. He hadn’t taken it off since… he couldn’t bring himself to. Once he did, it would be final. Cas would be gone. He knew he was delusional but, when he had it on he swore he could almost feel Cas. Like Cas had left a little piece of his heart there for Dean to keep.

He picked up a fallen branch and snapped it in half, relishing the sound of the breakage and the pain of the splinters in his hands. You deserve it, the voice in his head said, you killed him. And it was true… Dean had lost everyone who ever loved him, but it had always been an indirect consequence. But this time, Cas loving him had been the direct cause of his death...and Dean couldn’t stand it. His best friend, the one person other than Sam who hadn’t left him, who had saved his ass more times than he could count… had died because he had dared to let himself fall in love with Dean fucking Winchester. And the worst part was… he had seemed okay with it, too. As though dying for nothing was worth it, because to Cas loving Dean was everything.

Dean sobbed impossibly harder, pressing the splinters into his hands and feeling the blood trickle down his wrists. He dug his injured hands into the soil and...then it hit him. The soil against his scratched hands… he had felt that before. He had felt it…

Suddenly he was running, faster than he had run before. He was on autopilot. He couldn’t remember reaching the Impala, or the drive… but before he knew it he was back at that place. The place where it had all started. He left the engine running and jumped out, running into the field and screaming at the top of his lungs

“CAS!” he screamed. Nothing. “CASTIEL, YOU SON OF A -”

“Dean.” There it was, that voice he had last heard only a few weeks ago, but it felt like he was hearing it for the first time. He turned around, his eyes wide and breathing ragged. He had thought about this moment over and over in his head during the past few weeks. He didn’t quite know what would happen, but he certainly didn’t think he would be this angry. Before he could stop himself he was yelling.

“You son of a bitch, what the fuck were you thinking?!” He yelled, taking a step closer to Cas, his voice hot with rage. “You stupid fucking Angel, you IDIOT. You -” he didn’t know where he was going with this, he just knew he couldn’t stop. The tears streamed his face and the rain seemed to get heavier every passing second. If Cas hadn't interrupted him, his heart probably would have given out.

“I’m sorry, Dean. I...I had to, it was the only way -”

He was crying now too, and somehow the pain on his face now was worse than losing him. He looked so sad, so rejected...after all they’d been through together, Cas still didn’t know.

Dean took a step towards him, and all doubt and insecurity washed away when he met Cas’ eyes. “Shut up, Cas. Just shut the hell up.”

And then he kissed him, hard. And it was as though all the unspoken words, all the longing glances, all the heartache...it all poured out of him and out of Cas and he was the shore and Cas was an ocean crashing around him and the world, for a brief moment, was deafened. In that kiss he poured out all the words he knew he couldn’t say. And then it was over and Dean surprised himself more than he probably surprised Cas, when he whispered “you can have it.” Cas pulled away, his eyes as bright as the reflection of the sun off the sea at daybreak. “What?” He whispered, his brows furrowing the way that was so beautifully and undeniably Cas. 

“That thing you said you wanted, that you could never have… you can have it. I love you, Castiel. I’m sorry it took me so long to say it.” Cas shook his head, cradling Dean’s jaw in his hand. They looked at eachother, foreheads touching, and no words were spoken for a long while.


End file.
